Connecting with Community in Stressful Times

There’s a ton going on right now in my life. While simultaneously trying to run the two businesses I’m responsible / partly responsible for, I am also seeking to support myself with a full-time position as a special education teacher here in Baltimore City. I’m currently seeking out and interviewing for positions, and it has been difficult to keep up with other important things.

For those of us on the neurodivergent spectrum, it is rather easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day goings on, especially if we’re in any sort of high-pressure situation. For me, the pressure is coming from bills—student loan debt, rent, phone, car insurance, food, utilities, et cetera. When I set my mind to a problem, I get laser focused on solving it—often to the detriment of other areas of my life.

In my personal experience, the first thing to fall off is typically social contact with friends and even family. I’m a bit of a hermit, really—content to just hole up in my house and put the pedal to the metal as it were, using all of my mental resources on solving the problem I’m facing—in this case, finding a way to pay my bills!

It’s rather curious to me how important social contact is for a thriving human life. We are social creatures by nature—yes, even for those of us who are self-identified hermits. I think, more often than not, those of us who prefer to stay in the house and not deal with the world of humans outside, these feelings are most likely stemming from intense social anxiety or past experiences of people in our social circles burning us in one way or another.

Or, maybe you just truly like being alone and prefer your own company. That’s okay, too.

Plants, like humans, grow best in community.

Either way, the science is undeniable. People need people. Whether we like it or not. You may have heard of the “loneliness epidemic” affecting us here in the U.S., which was only exacerbated by the events of the early COVID-19 pandemic.

When I do finally catch myself in social isolation mode, which for me can take days, weeks, or even months sometimes, it’s incredibly important for me to find some way to remedy the situation. Relationships with people are sort of like relationships with my houseplants or my pets—they need to be fed, watered, nourished in order to thrive.

My kittens, Miso and Cucumber, probably wouldn’t like me so much if I didn’t spend the time to tend to my relationships with them.

I’m lucky to have friends that know me and my antisocial tendencies very well, and are never offended when I finally resurface after months of not a word. These, I find, are some of my best relationships—the people who acknowledge that it’s not that I don’t value our relationship, but rather that I just get very intensely wrapped up into whatever it is I’m doing. They also have these tendencies themselves—so it really works out for both of us.

There is this hyper-individualistic zeitgeist in pop psychology and mental health TikTok where most of our mental health challenges are placed back on the individual. What can I do to relieve my depression? What can I do to get out of an anxiety spiral? How can I, a singular person, relieve all the pain that comes with being on the queer and neurodivergent spectra?

It’s difficult to remember that we are not alone when the world around us likes to make us feel otherwise. There is always another person that has some kind of similar experience to yours.

While there are definitely some tricks to helping yourself in the moment, I think I’d like to spend some time this year turning more outward. How can I better stay in connection with my community of support? How can I be of more support to others in my community who experience the world similarly? How can we work together to form a better web of contact for each other in a world that is increasingly divisive and discordant?

Especially since so many of what we call “mental health” issues are actually the result of systemic issues impacting minority racial identities, socio-economic class, gender and sexual minorities, and those of us with disabilities both mental and physical, connecting to and getting involved with community is more important than ever.

At this moment, I don’t know exactly what that might look like for me. Perhaps, in my job search here in Baltimore City, I will find a community of like-minded teachers and education professionals working hard to support an underserved community. Perhaps I’ll find that I need to look elsewhere to find my community of support. Either way, I think this is one of my projects for myself this year.

I encourage you to take a moment to do a social audit for yourself if you feel like any of my words have resonated with you. Is there a friend you can call? A group event coming up that you can attend? A protest or mutual aid initiative you can volunteer for? A group of people who enjoy doing the same activities you like? Find these people, and you’ve found a great way to support your mental wellness.

Until next time,

Warmly,

Sean